Halakhah sa 2 Samuel 3:35: Shulchan Arukh, Yoreh De'ah

Whomever he mourns for he [also] mourns with²⁸One must share in the mourning rites of a relation at whose death he would have to observe mourning. if he suffers a breavement.²⁹E.g., if his father’s father dies, he mourns with his father. Similarly, if his son’s son dies. [This applies] only whilst he is in his presence,³⁰Since the reason for this type of mourning is out of respect to the mourning relative, it must therefore be observed only in the latter’s presence. but when not in his presence, he is not bound to observe mourning rites save [in the case of] his wife, although he mourns for her, — [the law is that] he mourns with her only for her father or her mother [in the case of their death] out of respect to his father-in-law and his mother-in-law; but for her brother and her sister or her son and her daughter [who are the issue] of another man, he does not mourn with her.³¹M.K. 20b. Nevertheless, he may not compel his [mourning] wife to adorn herself, but she may mix his wine for him and make his bed and wash his face, hands and feet.³²Ibid. So too, she mourns with him only when her father-in-law or her mother-in-law died, but [for] all his other near-of-kin who died, she does not mourn with him.³³ ibid. where only her father-in-law and mother-in-law are mentioned. Cf. Tosaf. ibid. s.v. אלא. Thus also Yad, Ebel II, 4-5. However, according to Y.M.K. III, 5(83a) and Sem(H). XI, 8, she mourns with him for his other relatives too. N in T.H. and Asheri adopt the latter view. W.G. Gloss: Some say that nowadays we adopt a lenient view regarding this [type] of mourning with respect to those who mourn with him, for this is only out of respect to those who observe mourning rites, but now it is the common practice to forego [this honour], and thus is the accepted practice nowadays, [viz.,] not to mourn at all with those who observe mourning rites.³⁴Tur on the authority of Asheri to M.K. III; N in T.H. and Hag. Maim. Yad ibid. — G. He who adopts a stringent view in this [matter] is one of those who make people wonder [at their strange conduct].³⁵Hag. Maim. ibid. — G. Although one who wishes to adopt a stringent view to observe mourning for one for whom he is not bound to mourn, may do so (v. Gloss a.l. end), this is applicable only to formal mourning, but if, as in the present case, it is done only in the mourner’s presence, it is regarded as a mockery — ShaK. Nevertheless, it is the accepted practice that all the near-of-kin of the dead person who are disqualified to offer testimony in his³⁶The corpse’s. behalf,³⁷ Ḥ.M. § 33 regarding those who are considered disqualified to offer testimony. exhibit some [signs] of mourning [by placing] themselves [under this stringency] the first entire week, i.e., until after the first Sabbath [in] that they do not wash [themselves] nor change some of their clothes³⁸The reading seems to be faulty here. D.M. has, ‘For all those who are disqualified to offer testimony on behalf of the corpse must change their places (in the Synagogue) and not change their clothes — D.Merb. We follow, however, the accepted custom — ShaK. as on other Sabbaths.³⁹The distinguished scholars of Austria adopted this practice — G. There are, however, localities where the accepted usage is to adopt additional stringencies in other matters [pertaining to this type of mourning], but⁴⁰Lit. ‘and.’ the fundamental principle is as I have written [above].⁴¹To adopt the lenient view. All this [pertains] to near tidings⁴²Received within the thirty days. or to one who was present at the [time of] death, but in [the case of] distant tidings⁴³Received after thirty days. On ‘near’ and ‘distant’ tidings, v. infra § 402. this type of mourning is entirely out of place.⁴⁴This is fully explained in T. ha-Deshen s. 251 — G. One who desires to place himself under a stringency, [viz.,] to observe mourning rites for one for whom he is not dutibound [to mourn],⁴⁵e., even in the case of a good friend who dies. An example is the case of King David who ate the mourner’s meal in mourning for Abner (II Sam. III, 35) — D.M. or to put on dark clothes [in mourning]⁴⁶For a period of twelve months — D.M. for his near-of-kin, is not reproved [for doing so].⁴⁷Asheri Rule 20 — G. However, if one should neglect the study of the Torah on account of this stringency, he may be reproved — R. A. Eger.