Musar zu Ijow 33:27

And King Solomon, peace be upon him, spoke about the matter of repentance and specified this topic. And he surely opened his words and said (Proverbs 28:12), "When the righteous exult there is great glory, but when the wicked rise up, men will be sought." The explanation [of this] is that the righteous will exalt and honor people about all the good traits that are found with them; but the wicked seek peoples' blemishes and their mistakes, to put them down - even when they have already left these actions and returned in repentance. Afterwards he said (Proverbs 28:13), "He who covers up his faults will not succeed; but he who confesses and gives them up will find mercy." For even though a penitent should not reveal his iniquities to people - as is to be understood from that which is stated, "but when the wicked rise up, men will be sought" - he is obligated to confess them [privately], like the matter that is stated (Psalms 32:5), "Then I acknowledged my sin to You; I did not cover up my guilt." And it is [also] stated (Jeremiah 2:35), "Lo, I will bring you to judgment for saying, 'I have not sinned.'" But the Sages of Israel, may their memory blessed, explained (Yoma 86b) [that] there are times when he who covers up his faults will not succeed - like with sins between a man and his fellow. As he does not attain atonement until he returns what was stolen, extorted or taken unjustly; and until he asks to be pardoned for that which he annoyed him, embarrassed him or spoke evil speech about him. [Likewise must he not cover up his] sins between a man and the Omnipresent that have become known to people. For one who sins publicly desecrates [God's] name (but Rashi, may his memory be blessed, in the Chapter [entitled] Yom HaKippurim, understands it in a different way. See there.) So he is obligated to grieve and mourn about it in front of people to sanctify [God's] name. And this is [the meaning of] that which is written (Jeremiah 31:19), "Now that I have turned back, I am filled with remorse; now that I am made aware, I strike my thigh." The meaning of, "I am filled with remorse," is regret and pain. For the essence of repentance is bitterness of the heart, as we have explained. And [the meaning of,] "now that I am made aware, I strike my thigh," is after people have been made aware and my iniquities have been publicized, I mourned with actions that were visible to people. [This is] like (Ezekiel 21:17), "strike the thigh"; and it is [also] stated (Job 33:27), "He declares to men, 'I have sinned; I have perverted what was right.'"

And our Rabbis, may their memory be blessed, said (Yoma 87a), “One who angers his friend, verbally must appease him.” And it is not [even] necessary to say [this] if he spoke evil speech about him, for that is from the [more] severe transgressions. And if his fellow does not forgive him, he is obligated to come to him with a group of three people. And if he does not forgive him [again], he comes in front of him a second time with a different group. And so must he do a third time. And Elihu said (Job 33:27), “He should then assemble (yashor) a row of men, and say, I have sinned, and perverted that which was right (yashar), and it was not fitting (shavah) for me.’” The explanation is, I have perverted a just man - from the usage (Job 1:1), “blameless and just man (yashar)” - for I did not see the merit of the just man, but rather made him into one crooked and twisted. But it was not level (shavah) and just for me, from the usage (in Isaiah 28:25), “Is it not if he leveled (shivah) its surface”; [and in] (Genesis 14:17), “to the level (shavah) valley” - [meaning] straight and level. And since he disparaged just ones in front of people, he must humble himself and confess in front of the many. Hence Elihu spoke about this sin in particular, for it is one of the weighty sins that destroys the soul. And our Rabbis, may their memory be blessed, said (Shabbat 119b), “Anyone who disparages Torah scholars cannot be healed from his wound” - for they profaned the Torah - as it is stated (II Chronicles 36:16), “And they mocked the messengers of God, etc., it could not be healed.”

He who provokes his companion must bring three groups of three people, as it is said, "He cometh before men and saith" (Job 33:27), and he must say in their presence, "I have sinned and perverted that which was right, and it profited me not." But he does not have to ask him for forgiveness more than three times. If the man whom he provoked dies, he should take ten men to his grave and say, "I have sinned to the Lord, the God of Israel and to this person, for I have provoked him" (Yoma 87a).