הלכה על משלי 10:18

One who suffered a bereavement and it was not known to him, — [the law is that] it is not obligatory that they inform him [thereof], even in [the case of] his father and/or mother [who died],³⁹M.K. 20a-b, derived from the case of R. Ḥiyya. supra par. 1, n. 11. also Naz. 44a, where it is reported that the father of R. Isaac died at Ginzak, and the son was informed about it three years later. and regarding such a one, [i.e., who does inform], it is said, 'And he that uttereth a slander is a fool';⁴⁰Prov. X, 17. and it is permissible to invite him to a feast of betrothal and marriage and [likewise to] every [type of] festivity, since he knows not thereof.⁴¹Hag. Maim. to Ebel VI on the authority of Rashi. A husband who knows that his wife suffered a bereavement of which she is unaware, is permitted to cohabit with her — P.Tesh. However, if he asks about him, one should not lie and say that he is alive,⁴²Mord. and Hag. Maim. In reporting a death one should phrase his statement in such a manner so as to convey a double meaning, i.e., there should be the possibility of interpreting his words both for life and death — TaZ. Cf. case of R. Ḥiyya supra par. 1, n. 11. On a Festival, however, one should not report a death, so as not to grieve the mourner which is not in keeping with the festive spirit of the Holiday — P.Tesh. for it is written, 'Keep thee far from a false matter.'⁴³Ex. XXIII, 7. Gloss: Nevertheless, in [the case of surviving] male children it is customary to inform [them thereof] so that Kaddish¹⁸ Glos. be recited, but in [the case of surviving] daughters it is not customary to inform them at all.⁴⁴MaHaRIW s. 13 — G. It is a religious duty to fast [on] the day that one's father or mother died,⁴⁵Kol Bo on the authority of R. Meir of Rothenberg and other Codifiers. By fasting a person will repent, investigate his conduct and improve it. This has a redeeming power for the parents. At the Afternoon Service (Minḥa) on the Yahrzeit day, one who fasts should recite the עננו prayer (v. Siddur) as in the case of any other fast day. and one fasts on the day of death and not on the day of burial,⁴⁶MaHaRIW s. 121 and Isserlein s. 296 and Later Codifiers — G. unless one was present at the burial and not at the death.⁴⁷On tradition from a distinguished Elder, R. M. Landau — G. The anniversary of death (Yahrzeit) and the fast are always observed on the day of death — TaZ. If, however, three or four days elapsed between death and burial, the law is that the first year one observes the Yahrzeit on the day of burial and every succeeding year on the day of death —ShaK. On the Yahrzeit day a lamp is lit. If one observes Yahrzeit for both parents on the same day, two lamps or candles are lit — Sefer Amarkol. For one who died at twilight (בין השמשות), one observes the Yahrzeit on the following day — Resp. Minḥath Elazar. If one who observes Yahrzeit on the Sabbath, forgot to light the Yahrzeit lamp before the advent of the Sabbath, — if he reminds himself on the eve of the Sabbath at twilight, he may instruct a non-Jew to light it for him — M.Abr. (O.Ḥ. § 261, n. 6). One may light a Yahrzeit lamp on a Holiday — Ketab Sofer. One who is in doubt whether the Yahrzeit should be observed on the fourth or the fifth day of the month, — the law is that if he has other brothers elsewhere who know the exact day when Yahrzeit falls (it is understood that he is unable to contact them in order to determine the correct day), he should observe the Yahrzeit on the fourth day (i.e., the first doubtful day). But it there is no one else in the family to observe the Yahrzeit, he must observe both days — Ḥatam Sofer. If this day occurred on a day during which Taḥanun¹⁸ Glos. is not recited, one does not fast at all.⁴⁸Thus also if the Yahrzeit day falls on the day when one’s child is to be circumcised, the father or the Sandek or the Mohel, who may be observing Yahrzeit, do not fast. Likewise, in the case of the redemption of a first-born child, the father or the Kohen who may be observing Yahrzeit, do not fast — O.Ḥ. ibid. par. 9. TaZ and Sha‘are Tesh. ibid. So too, a groom during the seven days of his wedding-feast, does not fast on the Yahrzeit day. However, one observing Yahrzeit is not permitted to eat at the feast held on the completion of a Talmudical tracate (סיום) — ShaK. One who does not know the day of his father’s or mother’s death, should select a certain day during the year on which to observe the Yahrzeit and fast, but he may not encroach upon the rights of others with respect to the Kaddish — M.Abr. (O.Ḥ. § 568, n. 20). If one who has to observe Yahrzeit is unable to say Kaddish, e.g., when he is on the road, he may recite Kaddish at the evening service (Ma‘arib) following the Yahrzeit day — Matte Efrayyim. If at the place of death it was already night when the person died and at the place of the near-of-kin it was still day, the Yahrzeit day is fixed according to the place of death — Sh.M.B. contra Kol Bo(G). Cf. supra par. 1, n. 2. If they died during [the month of] Adar⁴⁹In an ordinary year. and the year was a leap year,⁵⁰e., the following year or years when Yahrzeit is observed. Thus M.Abr. — the fundamental principle is to fast [and observe Yahrzeit] during [the month of] Adar I,⁵¹T. ha-Deshen s. 294 and R. Judah Minẓ — G. although there are some who differ with [this], — yet, thus is the fundamental principle. However, if they died in a leap year during Adar II, one likewise fasts in a [subsequent] leap year during Adar II⁵²Ibid. — G. e., in a subsequent leap-year he fasts during the Adar that death occurred, and in the following ordinary years he fasts during Adar. If the death occurred during an ordinary year, then in a subsequent leap-year he fasts during Adar I and during Adar II he recites the Kaddish but does not take precedence over others in leading the services etc. — ShaK, P.Tesh., M.Abr. The month of Ḥeshvan is sometimes full (i.e., it consists of thirty days in which case the first of the month (Rosh Ḥodesh) of Kislev, following, consists of two days, of which the first day of Rosh Ḥodesh is the thirtieth day of Ḥeshvan and the second day of Rosh Ḥodesh is the first day of Kislev) and sometimes the month of Ḥeshvan is defective (i.e., it consists of twenty-nine days, in which case, Rosh Ḥodesh Kislev, following, is observed only one day). Consequently, if one dies on Rosh Ḥodesh Kislev when Rosh Ḥodesh is observed only one day, — the law is that in a subsequent year when Rosh Ḥodesh Kislev consists of two days, the Yahrzeit should be observed on the second day of Rosh Ḥodesh, which is the first day of the month of Kislev. However, if one died on the first day of Rosh Ḥodesh Kislev when Rosh Ḥodesh consisted of two days, the question is — when should one observe Yahrzeit in a subsequent year when Rosh Ḥodesh Kislev consists of one day only? Should one observe the Yahrzeit on the twenty-ninth day of Ḥeshvan, since the death took place on the last day of Ḥeshvan, or do we say that since in matters pertaining to vows (v. end of Gloss anon) we follow the language of the people, he should observe Yahrzeit on Rosh Ḥodesh Kislev? — The following procedure should be adopted: If during the first year following the death, Rosh Ḥodesh Kislev is observed for one day only, the Yahrzeit should be observed on the twenty-ninth day of Ḥeshvan. Thus also whenever the month of Ḥeshvan is defective, then on the following day (i.e., Rosh Ḥodesh Kislev), if there are no mourners in the Synagogue, he should also recite the Kaddish and lead the services. But if during the year following the death, Rosh Ḥodesh Kislev consists of two days, consequently, the Yahrzeit becomes fixed for Rosh Ḥodesh Kislev and he should observe it thus every subsequent year, even when Rosh Ḥodesh Kislev consists of one day. The same principle applies to other months which are sometimes full and sometimes defective — M.Abr. Since Rosh Ḥodesh Tebeth is sometimes observed one day, in which case the sixth day of Ḥanukkah is the first of Tebeth, the seventh day, — the second of Tebeth and the eighth day, — the third of Tebeth; and sometimes Rosh Ḥodesh Tebeth consists of two days, i.e., the sixth and seventh day of Ḥanukkah, in which case the seventh day of Ḥanukkah is the first day of Tebeth and the eighth day, — the second day of Tebeth, — consequently, one who observes Yahrzeit during these days should not err by counting the days of Ḥanukkah, but one must always count the days of the month — M.Abr. and O.H. § 568, 8. supra § 391 that one should not eat at a feast on the night of [which the following] day is the death anniversary of one's father or/and mother.⁵³ supra § 391, 3, Gloss n. 38. [If] this fast falls on the eve of the Sabbath, the law is as [on] other fastday[s]. O.H. § 249. In any case, — [the law is that] if the first time one fasted the whole day, one should adopt this practice all the days of his life.⁵⁴For it is then regarded as a vow. Hence, he must always fast on that day. Should one, however, be ill or should there be any other reason which prevents him from observing the fast-day, he must first be released from his vow. But if, prior to observing the first fast-day, one explicitly stated that he fasts on the condition that this should not be regarded as a vow for the following year, he does not require any release (v. O.Ḥ. § 568 and Ḥ. Adam).