הלכה על משלי 9:8

But if they see that the sinner is one of the foolish scoffers who hate their reprovers, as it is written (Mishlei 9:8): "Do not reprove the scoffer, lest he hate you," and their words will certainly not be accepted, and men such as these readily return to their folly, so that he may very likely come to sin again — if so, it is better for them if they tell it to the judges of the city, so that they chastise him for his sin and keep him from future transgression. And it would seem that the same holds true for [telling] the relatives of the sinner if [we know that] their words [of reproof] will be accepted by him [see Be'er Mayim Chayim]. And the entire intent of the teller should be for the sake of Heaven and in zeal for the L–rd, and not because of their hatred of him for something else. And the judges, too, should chastise the sinner in secret and not "whiten his face" in public, as it is written (Vayikra 19:17): "Reprove shall you reprove your neighbor, but do not bear sin because of him." And all this if they saw him with [i.e., if they were] two witnesses, but if he were a single witness, he may not testify against his friend, for his testimony is in vain, the judges being unable to rely upon it, viz. (Devarim 19:15): "One witness shall not arise against a man for every transgression and for every sin." Therefore, [if he does so], he is considered a motzi shem ra [the spreader of an evil report], concerning which our Rabbis have said (Sha'arei Teshuvah 22): "One who testified singly against his friend receives stripes of rebellion." And our sages have said (Pesachim 113b): "Three are hated by the Holy One Blessed be He," one of them being "one who sees a thing of ervah [immorality] in his friend and testifies against him singly." But he can reveal the thing secretly to his [the sinner's] Rabbi and to his close confidant, if he knows that his words will be accepted as those of two witnesses. And his Rabbi is permitted to hate him for this and to distance himself from his company, until it becomes known to him that he has repented of his evil way. But his Rabbi may not tell this to others, it being no better than seeing it himself, as we have written above in section 4.

Rav Shlomo Zalman notes that this is an example of Shlomo Hamelech’s advice, “Do not reprimand the scoffer lest he come to hate you” (Mishlei 9:8). In fact, Rav Dov Brisman (Teshuvot Shalmei Chovah 33), in support of this ruling, cites the Teshuvot Chavot Ya’ir (185), who writes explicitly that this Halachah does not apply when it will cause enmity and hatred. Nonetheless, Rav Auerbach expresses hesitancy at the conclusion of his responsum and writes, “Nonetheless, the matter needs a decision.” It seems that Rav Shlomo Zalman’s hesitancy emerges from his fear that his ruling would create the perception that a Halachah from the Shulchan Aruch has been eliminated, since in most modern-day situations, Rav Shlomo Zalman’s reasoning will apply.

This applies only in a case when you [have reason to] believe that the sinner will listen to you,⁴⁹If the sinner is your friend you should chide him even if you know that he will pay no attention to your words. (Magein Avraham 156:2) but when you know [for sure] that he will not pay attention to your words, then you are forbidden to admonish him. For Rabbi Ila'a said in the name of Rabbi Elazar ben Rabbi Shimon,⁵⁰Yevamos 65b. "Just as it is a mitzvah for a person to say something that will be heeded, so it is a mitzvah to refrain from saying something that will not be heeded." Rabbi Abba says, "It is his duty" [to refrain from saying anything that will not be taken under consideration]. for it is said:⁵¹Proverbs 9:8. "Do not admonish a scorner lest he hate you; reprove a wise man and he will love you."