חסידות אויף בראשית 3:16

Were not Your Torah my delight, then I would have perished in my poverty: When the Holy One, blessed be He, said to Moshe (Exodus 28:1), "Now you shall bring forward your brother Aharon," it was difficult for him. [Hence] the Holy One, blessed be He, said to Moshe, "The Torah was mine and I gave it to you. For were it not for it, I would have destroyed My world." To here is the language of the Midrash. The idea is that it is written (Leviticus 16:3), "after the death of the two sons of Aharon, when they came near before the Lord, and died; Speak to Aharon your brother, that he come not at all times into the holy, etc. With this (Bezot) shall Aharon come into the holy." For through their perfect service and righteousness, Nadav and Avihu had perfected their spirits and gave themselves over to death in their attachment, with an amazing attachment, to the point that their souls remained attached to the Supernal Light in the secret of the feminine waters. So their souls departed like one. And this is [the meaning of], "when they came near before the Lord, and died": That they came so close and attached themselves with so much attachment and great desire to the point that their souls were stored away and attached above. It is true that one who serves with such a service of amazing attachment also brings down a flow of life from above upon himself while he is living, as it is stated (Deuteronomy 4:4), "and you that are attached to the Lord, your God, are all living today." On account of the attachment, life is added; for that is His will, may He be blessed, who gives life to the living. Nevertheless, since they had an obstructing sin - according to the words of the Sages, may their memory be blessed, when they said they were drunk, etc.; or they instructed the law, etc. - the bringing down of that flow was prevented from them in the light coming back to them, such that their souls remained attached there in the secret of the feminine waters. Hence he warned Aharon and said [that] "he come not at all [times], etc." This means to say that truly all of the service of the righteous must be in this way, to give up their lives in the secret of the feminine waters. And that is [the meaning of] "that he come not at all times." For it is impossible "to come at all times to the holy," but rather "With this shall he come, etc." - with this aspect of his sons who were in the secret of the feminine waters. However not in the way that his sons died and remained stored away there, bur rather to increase the the flow of life and holiness upon him through this. And that is [the meaning of] "so that he not die" - in the way that his sons died. And that is why when the Holy One, blessed be He told our teacher Moshe, peace be upon him, "among My close one will I be sanctified," he said, "I thought He would sanctify the Temple either through me or through you." For he had a longing to be in the secret of the feminine waters. However this was not how the Holy One, blessed be He, placed him. As it is known that the main arousal must be from the lower towards the above, the secret of the female towards the male, as it is written (Genesis 3:16), "and your desire will be towards your husband." However our teacher Moshe, peace be upon him, is called the husband of the matron. Hence he is in the secret of the male. And it is only possible for the desire for one's elevation in the secret of the feminine waters be from the lower levels that are called the poor. They need to desire and elevate themselves and be aroused like a female towards the male. Yet Moshe, to whom the Torah was given - and it is called the Torah of Moshe - is in the secret of the male, the husband of the matron. If he had elevated himself in the secret of the feminine waters, the poor levels would have been lost and would not have elevated themselves. For they are as nothing in comparison to him. And that is why when the Holy One, blessed be He, said to Moshe, "Now you shall bring forward your brother Aharon," Moshe saw that Aharon would also approach his dimension and would be equal to him, and both of them would not be for the dimension of the feminine waters - so it was hard for Moshe. For he thought "It would either be with me or with you." Nevertheless, the Holy One, blessed be He, said to him, "The Torah was mine and I gave it to you" - you are on the level of Torah, the secret of the male, the husband of the matron. And it is impossible [for you] to rise up to the secret of the delight of the feminine waters which the Holy One, blessed be He, desires. For there is a need for the arousal of the female towards the male. And this is [the meaning of] "Were not Your Torah my delight": For had I not given you the Torah, you would have been my delight. However with the Torah, it is impossible. Since "then I would have perished in my poverty, etc." And it is already know that Pinchas is Eliyahu, and that is the [same soul] as Nadav and Avihu. For they were together in Pinchas, as it is known. It comes out that Eliyahu is the secret of the feminine waters of Nadav and Avihu. And that is why our Rabbis, may their memory be blessed, said (Berakhot 3a) about Rabbi Yosei when he went into a ruin to pray, "Eliyahu came and guarded the entrance for me and waited at the entrance." Meaning to say, that the main prayer of the righteous is to raise their souls through the letters of the secret of the feminine waters, the dimension of Eliyahu. That is [the meaning of], "and Eliyahu came immediately and guarded the entrance for me and waited at the entrance." That is the entrance of the body, which is the mouth and speech. And that is why our Rabbis, may their memory be blessed, said, "If dogs are playing, Eliyahu is coming to the city." For when the joy and delight from the souls of the righteous arise in the secret of the feminine waters, the dimension of Eliyahu, all of the harsh judgements and accusers are sweetened. And when there is joy in the house of the King, even the house of the army is joyful. And that is why our Rabbis, may their memory be blessed, said, "If dogs are playing" - those are the accusers and the husks. For among the lowest levels, joy is aroused, and all of the harsh judgements are negated. And that is why Scripture states, "With this shall Aharon come into the holy." It means to say, with the feminine waters, the secret of Eliyahu, who is the dimension of Nadav and Avihu. With this one must approach the holy.

But this is not true of the Nations of the World, who remain in smallness and materiality; and therefore our Sages of Blessed Memory said about Balaam, “He does not even know how to divine the mind of his animal!” (Berakhot 7a), and it is understood. A person is created small — in small mind — and yet the Holy Blessed One’s intention in creating humanity was to serve [God], so why did [God] create him initially without mind, without awareness to serve [God]? But this is also for the previously stated reason, for wisdom has the advantage over folly (Ecclesiastes 2:13), and darkness yearns to merge into light (Zohar 1:17a). For smallness is considered “feminine” with respect to greatness, Your desire shall be for your husband (Gen. 3:16). The feminine awakens longing in the groom; the person is initially in the aspect of smallness and afterward, when he comes into great mind, he attaches everything — even the smallness — to greatness and he has the aspect of “coupling.” And that is [the meaning of the verse], as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you (Isaiah 62:5), and it will be clarified elsewhere. And it is impossible to come to the light of greatness immediately, therefore smallness comes first. And that is the second interpretation [of the question], “Why do goats [izzim],” which means a person’s arrogance [azzut], “walk in front.” That is to say, smallness comes to a person first; and the answer is “According to the creation of the world, which at first was dark” etc. as was stated. And that is [the meaning of the verse] And God called the light Day etc. — just as there is no day without night, just so there was evening, which is the smallness first, and afterward there was morning, the great mind that inspects his deeds. One day: they are made into a single unity. And this is the general order according to which every person should walk, that upon arriving at thirteen years awareness should enter him. “Awareness” connotes attachment from the lower level to the upper; and that is complete awareness along the lines of Return, wayward children (Jeremiah 3:22), which is to say things that have been made wayward as in he went wayward in the way of his heart (Isaiah 57:17), return and attach together. However, there are those who do not merit awareness even at thirteen years, and they are called “small.” And a person who has no awareness is seduced after his Inclination; and that is the meaning of the seduction that is written in the Torah, in the incident of Potiphar and Joseph. And one must save oneself as Joseph saved himself. And my Teacher, may he be remembered for life in the World to Come, commented on what [our Sages] of Blessed Memory said, that he saw a vision of his father’s image (Sotah 36b) and the clothes that she wore for him in the morning she did not wear for him in the evening (Yoma 35b): but Joseph gazed at the source of beauty and glorification — from where does it come? For the essence of glorification is God’s life-force, which is the characteristic of Jacob, Splendor. And that is [the meaning of] “a vision of his father’s image;” and we find that each person needs to do so.