ציטירנדיקער פּירוש אויף משלי 31:30

Solomon commenced the concluding chapter of Proverbs with the words אשת חיל מי ימצא, “who can find a woman of valour?” According to the plain meaning of the text he spoke about an intelligent woman, eager and competent to discharge the duties of her household, working hard both by day and by night; this is the meaning of Proverbs 31,18: “even when her affairs thrive her lamp does not go out at night.” This woman is known far and wide for the good she does for the poor, sustaining them with the work of her own hands. This is the meaning of 31,20: “she extends her hand to the poor, and reaches out her hand to the needy.” This whole chapter teaches us both moral/ethical lessons as well as lessons in good manners. A man is to look for this kind of a woman when he wants to get married as she is the mainstay of his home to be. Together with her he can look forward to building his family. Solomon wanted to enumerate all the virtues of such a woman in alphabetical order in order to demonstrate that a woman who possesses all these virtues also symbolizes the entire Torah. Her presence is her husband’s best preparation to achieve success in his Torah study and mitzvah performance, much as the body is the preparation for the soul to attain its objectives.
This is what the sages alluded to when they said (concerning a man finding a woman) “if he has merit, she will prove an invaluable helpmate” (Yevamot 63). Addressing the same subject, Solomon said: (Proverbs 18,22) “He who found a wife has found a good thing; he will obtain favor from the Lord,” seeing the Torah had said it is not good for man to remain solitary (Genesis 2,18) Solomon, when discussing marriage, said that a woman does not deserve to be praised on account of her physical beauty, graceful mannerism. Solomon said (Proverbs 31,30) “grace is deceptive, beauty is vain, a G’d-fearing woman is the woman who is truly praiseworthy.” This is also why he concludes by saying: “acknowledge her for the fruit of her hands and let her accomplishments praise her in the gates.” It is appropriate that she be praised for what she does, not for the attributes she was endowed with at birth [something for which one should praise the Lord, not her. Ed.] We find that Abigail was the prototype for such a woman whose good virtues employed at the right time and in the right place, saved her husband and her entire household from being killed by David and his men. David himself acknowledged this when he said to her (Samuel I 25,33): ”blessed be your prudence, and blessed be you yourself for restraining me from seeking redress in blood by my own hands.“

Bahya writes. King Solomon, of blessed memory, said: “what a rare find is a capable wife” [Proverbs 31:10]. This means, a clever wife who is capable of working day and night to maintain her house. She gives charity to the poor from her work or her earnings. This woman is worthy of praise. Therefore, the verse praised her, since the woman can bring her husband and children to the world to come. She does the necessary work in the house and her husband and children can study Torah, just as the body is given to the soul expecting that the person should properly serve God. So too the wife was given to the person so that she should help her husband serve God properly. Concerning this, our sages said, he merited a helpmate. That is to say, when the person is worthy, God gives him a wife who helps him properly serve God. However, when the woman has no beauty, you would think that she is not praiseworthy. Therefore, the verse said, “grace is deceptive, beauty is illusory” [Proverbs, 31:30]. That is to say, one should not praise that the woman is beautiful or lovely, but one should praise her when she has done good deeds. The Midrash writes about the verse “what a rare find is a capable wife” [Proverbs, 31:10]. This means, he compared the Torah to a clever wife, since the Torah contains within it much wisdom and good deeds. Through this, the person can come to the world to come. People praise the person who studies Torah and bless him, even though the person is blessed by God. However, in any event, the Holy One gave it into the hands of people that they should bless people. The Holy One first blessed Adam and Noah until Abraham our Patriarch came and the Holy One gave into his hands that he should bless whomever he wanted. Whomever he will bless, they will be blessed. Isaac also blessed Jacob and Jacob blessed his children. Moses did this here in the portion and he blessed all of Israel before his death. Concerning this it says here:¹Bahya, Zot Ha-Brachah, Introduction.

אשר לא תקח אשה לבני מבנות הכנעני, “that you will not take a wife for my son from amongst the daughters of the Canaanite, etc.” He warned Eliezer not to take a wife from a nation which was cursed. When a woman is predestined for destruction, she is apt to drag her husband in the same general direction. This is precisely what the mother of all human beings did (compare Genesis 3, 20). You are aware that this is what happened to Solomon who married a number of alien women (Kings I 11,1). The prophet testifies there that it was these women who turned his heart from being completely loyal to G-d. This is the reason that it has become the custom of the Jewish people to read this portion (in the presence of the assembled guests) to a bridegroom on the day when he gets married to remind all the people to be very circumspect in their choice of life-partners. (There is a section on this custom in Zunz: “Ritus” page 15). The Avudraham at the end of ברכת נשואין brings the custom as “on the Sabbath of the seven days of the Chuppah one reads this section before the bridegroom, etc.” (apparently in the Synagogue during the regular morning service). The groom is reminded not to marry a woman because of her physical beauty, as Solomon has said in Proverbs 31,30 ,שקר החן והבל היופי, “grace is deceptive, and beauty is vain.“ He should also not marry a woman because she is wealthy, as money is apt to develop wings and to fly off just like an eagle (compare Proverbs 23,5). The groom should also not marry a woman because she is a member of a powerful, and influential family and he hopes to become powerful and influential himself due to his wife’s connections. If these are a groom’s considerations in the choice of his wife he will be punished and will likely fail on all three counts. The guiding considerations when choosing a wife have to be reverence for G-d, choosing a family which enjoys a good reputation. Seeing that in the majority of cases the daughter‘s character is similar to that of her brothers, one may form some idea about a girl by observing the way her older brothers conduct themselves. (compare Baba Batra 110).