Commentary for Ecclesiastes 7:2

Better to go to a house of mourning. [Where] the type of conduct serves both the living and the dead.

“It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting; for that is the end of all men, and the living will take it to heart” (Ecclesiastes 7:2).
“It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting.” Why? It is because “the heart of the wise is in a house of mourning” (Ecclesiastes 7:4), as anyone who mourns, the Holy One blessed be He brings him joy, as it is stated: “The humble will increase their joy in the Lord” (Isaiah 29:19).
Another matter, “it is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting” – it is better to adopt a mode of conduct for which there is a recompense, than a mode of conduct for which there is no recompense.²⁷Just as one pays respects to the dead, others will pay their respects to him when he dies. But regarding feasting, it is not clear that he who attends a feast will himself conduct a feast. It is better to adopt a mode of conduct that serves the living and the dead, than a mode of conduct that serves only the living. It is better to adopt a mode of conduct that serves both the wealthy and the poor, than a mode of conduct that serves only the wealthy. It is better to adopt a mode of conduct that involves consolation, than a mode of conduct that does not involve consolation.

Than to go to a house of feasting. [Where] the type of conduct serves only the living.⁷Upon going to a house of mourning a person realizes that he too will be mourned when his time comes. This will cause him to be humbled and make him aware of sin. (Metsudas Dovid) Alternatively, the kindness done for the dead is absolute and the level of kindness [חסד של אמת], for the provider does anticipate any payback because that is “the end of all men.” However, when going to a house of feasting, e.g., a wedding, the newly married couple “take to heart” to remember that act of kindness so that they can return the kindness. The latter type of kindness is somewhat inferior to the former, and therefore Koheles says, “it is better to go to a house of mourning than to a house of feasting, etc. (Binah La’itim) ⁸Frequenting the company of those who pursue honor and vanity arouses one’s lust and desire for those things, and that is the intent of this verse. (Mesilas Yeshorim)

Rabbi Berekhya said: Performing acts of kindness is in the Torah at its beginning, in its middle, and at its end. It is at its beginning, as it is written: “The Lord God built the rib [that he took from the man, into a woman, and He brought her to the man]” (Genesis 2:22). [This verse] teaches that the Holy One Blessed be He braided Eve’s hair, and brought her to Adam, and he became the groomsman for them; as in the coastal towns, they call braiding, building. It is in its middle, as it is written: “The Lord appeared to him in the plains of Mamre” (Genesis 18:1), teaching that He visited him.²⁸God visited Abraham, who was recovering from his circumcision. “God blessed Isaac his son” (Genesis 25:11), this is the blessing of the mourners.²⁹He came to console Isaac upon the death of Abraham. At its end, as it is stated: “He buried him in the valley” (Deuteronomy 34:6).³⁰God buried Moses.
Rabbi Ḥanin said: What is the measure of recompense [for acts of kindness]? Jacob died in the land of Egypt. For whom was it fitting to tend to him? Is it not the Holy One blessed be He, who said to him: “I will descend with you to Egypt [and I will also take you up]” (Genesis 46:4)? Joseph came and snatched the mitzva for himself, as it is written: “Joseph ascended to bury his father” (Genesis 50:7). Joseph died in Egypt. For whom was it fitting to tend to him? Is it not the tribes, to whom he administered an oath, as it is stated: “Joseph administered an oath [to the sons of Israel, saying: God will surely remember you, and you shall carry up my bones from here]” (Genesis 50:25). Moses came and snatched the mitzva for himself, as it is stated: “Moses took Joseph’s bones” (Exodus 13:19). Moses died, and the Holy One blessed be He, in His glory, repaid him, as it is stated: “He buried him in the valley” (Deuteronomy 34:6).

For that is the end of all men. Because mourning marks the end of every person. Every person will ultimately come to this. Therefore, “the living should take it to heart,” [to the fact that] whatever kindness I bestow upon the dead, I will need that they bestow [the same] upon me upon my death. He who raises his voice in lamentation, they will raise their voices in lamentation for him; he who bears the dead, they will bear him; he who eulogizes, they will eulogize him; he who escorts the dead, they will escort him.

It is written: “The Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skin, and clothed them” (Genesis 3:21). We have found that the Holy One blessed be He performs acts of kindness: He adorns brides, blesses grooms, visits the ill, buries the dead, and comforts the mourners. He adorns brides, as it is written: “The Lord God built [the rib that he took from the man into a woman, and He brought her to the man]” (Genesis 2:22). Rabbi Yoḥanan says: He built her, adorned her, and showed her to him [Adam]. Rabbi Abbahu said: Perhaps you will say that He showed her to him from behind a carob tree or from behind a sycamore tree; rather, He adorned her with twenty-four types of jewelry and then He showed her to him, as it is stated: “And He brought her to the man” (Genesis 2:22).³¹Although she was made from his rib, and would naturally have been right next to him, the verse states that God brought her to him. This implies that He took her to another location to adorn her and then brought her to Adam (Midrash HaMevo’ar). He blesses grooms, as it is stated: “God blessed them” (Genesis 1:28). He visits the ill, as it is stated: “The Lord appeared to him in the plains of Mamre” (Genesis 18:1). He buries the dead, as it is written: “He buried him in the valley” (Deuteronomy 34:6). He comforts the mourners, as it is written: “He called its name Alon Bakhut” (Genesis 35:8). Rabbi Shmuel bar Naḥman said: What is Alon Bakhut? While he was observing the mourning for Deborah, his nursemaid, tidings reached him that his mother Rebecca had died, and he wept two weepings [bekhiyot]; that is why it is stated [that Jacob called that place] Alon Bakhut. And [the verse] states regarding Jacob: “[And God appeared to Jacob again…] and blessed [him]” (Genesis 35:9) – He blessed him with the blessing of the mourners.

Another explanation: For that is the end of all men. For death is the end of all man’s days, and if he does not bestow kindness upon him now, he will no longer [be able to] bestow it upon him, but [if] he invited him to a house of feasting and he did not go, he can say to him, “a son will ultimately be born to you, and I will be there with you, the joy of your child’s wedding will come to you, and I will go there.”

Rabbi Simon said: We have found that [people] went to a house of feasting and their names were not specified, [and people went] to a house of mourning and their names were specified. Og went to Abraham’s feast and his name was not specified. Job’s three comrades went to the house of mourning and their names were specified.
We have found that [people] went to a house of feasting and they were not spared from Gehenna, and [people] went to a house of mourning and they were spared from Gehenna. Og was at Abraham’s feast and he was not spared from Gehenna. Those who went to the house of mourning were spared from Gehenna. Rabbi Yissakhar of Kefar Mandi said: It is the way of the wicked to be consigned to the lowest level of Gehenna, as it is stated: “He strikes them in the place of the wicked” (Job 34:26). Job’s three comrades went to the house of mourning and they were spared from Gehenna, as it is written: “Each man came from his place” (Job 2:11). Each from his home, each from his city, each from his land, is not written here, but rather, “each from his place” – from the place that was established for them in Gehenna. They were spared and rescued from it.
We have found that [people] went to a house of feasting and the Divine Spirit did not rest upon them; this is Og. Job’s three comrades went to a house of mourning and the Divine Spirit rested upon them. That is what is written: “Elifaz answered” (Job 4:1), “Bildad answered” (Job 8:1). It is taught in the name of Rabbi Meir: Any place where answering [aniya], saying [amira], and so [ko, kakha] are stated, these statements were made in the sacred tongue and with [the inspiration of] the Divine Spirit.

And the living should take it to heart. This matter, that if he does not bestow kindness now, he will no longer [be able to] bestow it upon him.⁹Alternatively, if a person who is planning to do evil visits a house of mourning, he will surely “take it to heart” the matters dealing with death, and will thus abandon his plans and repent before God. (Targum)

Why does the verse state: “And the living will take it to heart”? Perform an act of kindness so they will perform it for you: Accompany [the dead] so they will accompany you; eulogize, so they will eulogize you; bury, so they will bury you; perform kindness, so kindness will be performed for you. Rabbi Mana said: “And the living will take it to heart” – these are the righteous who position their death opposite their heart.³²They are always cognizant of their own mortality. Why do they pound their hearts?³³When something bad occurs (Matnot Kehuna), or when they confess their sins (Maharzu). It is to say that everything is there.³⁴The heart is the source of their decisions and actions. This is understood from the verse, “and the living will take it to heart.”
Another matter, “and the living will take it to heart” – this is He who lives eternally, who rewards a person for each and every step [he takes] in performing acts of kindness, as Rabbi Yona said: One may not inquire regarding halakhot before the bier of a dead person.³⁵This is because doing so mocks the one who is dead, who is no longer capable of engaging in Torah study. But did Rabbi Yoḥanan not ask Rabbi Yannai before the bier of Rabbi Shimon ben Yehotzadak: ‘If one consecrated his burnt offering for Temple maintenance, is one liable in its regard for misuse of consecrated property?’³⁶If one consecrates an animal as a burnt-offering and then consecrates its hide to the Temple treasury, does that second consecration take effect? If so, and the animal is sacrificed without first being redeemed from the Temple treasury, one who derives benefit from the hide would surely be liable for misuse of consecrated property. He answered him: ‘Since the priests can delay the slaughter, he is liable for misuse.’ It is said that [Rabbi Yannai] answered him when he was at a distance [of more than four cubits from the bier].
It is taught: It is prohibited for the pallbearers to wear shoes, due to the concern that the shoe of one of them will rip and he will be delayed in performance of the mitzva. Rabbi Zeira fell to the ground while speaking. They came to stand him up, and they found that he was afflicted in his speaking.³⁷He had become very weak while delivering a eulogy and was unable to continue (Etz Yosef). They said to him: ‘Why did this [occur]?’ He said to them: ‘[I began to contemplate] the world to which we are going [after death].’ That is what is written: “And the living will take it to heart.”