아모스 4:13 할라카: Mishneh Torah, Human Dispositions, Shulchan Arukh, Even HaEzer & Kitzur Shulchan Arukh

Though one's wife is ever lawful to him, it is proper that a disciple of the wise should demean himself with sanctity, and not be like a rooster;⁶Berakot, 22a. G. a Sabbath to Sabbath visitation,⁷Ketubot, 62. C. if there be no physical reason to the contrary, not in the beginning of the night⁸Nedarim, 20; Niddah, 16. C. G. when in a state of satiety, nor at the end of the night when hungry, but about midnight after the food in his bowels be digested, unaccompanied by either exceeding boisterousness or profanity of mouth with vain words, even between themselves. Behold, it is traditionally said that the Verse, "And he declareth unto man what his language is" (Amos. 4.13), the sages interpreted: "Even on account of indecent conversation a man carries on with his own wife, he will have to render an accounting" (Hegigah. 5b). Both of them shall not be intoxicated, nor sluggish, nor in mourning; nor either of them in such state; nor when she be asleep, nor by overpowering her contrary mood; but with the consent and happy mood of both, with few pleasant and light-hearted words to please her being, stilling his urge diffidently and not impudently and dissociate immediately.

A man should not act with levity with his wife, nor should he degrade his speech with nonsense, even between him and her. The verse says, "He tells man what his speech is" (Amos 4:13) and the Sages comment, "Even light conversation between a man and his wife will be brought to judgement in the future." He should not speak with her during intercourse, nor before it, lest he direct his thoughts to another woman. If he does speak with her and proceed immediately to intercourse, about him the verse says, "He tells man what his speech is". He may speak about matters pertinent to the intercourse, to increase his desire, or if there was strife between them and he needed to appeal to her and appease her, he may speak with her to appeal to her. Rem"a: He may do with his wife whatever he wishes. He may have intercourse whenever he wishes, he may kiss any part of her body that he desires, he may have vaginal [typical] or anal [atypical] intercourse, or stimulate himself with other parts of her body, so long as he does not ejaculate outside the vagina (Tur). Some authorities are lenient and say that he may even ejaculate during anal intercourse, if it is occasional and not his habit (Tur). Even though all of this is permissible, anyone who wishes to sanctify himself [by abstaining] from the permitted is called holy. He should not have frequent intercourse so that he is always with her, for this is extremely detrimental and it is the way of boors; it is meritorious to minimize intercourse, only keeping to the minimum required by marital obligations. Even when fulfilling marital obligations he should not focus on his pleasure, it should instead be as on paying back an obligation, for he is obligated in marital duties, and to fulfill the mitzvah of being fruitful and multiplying, and to have children who study Torah and perform mitzvot for the people of Israel. He may not have intercourse without her consent, and if she is not interested he should appease her until she is interested. He should be very private during intercourse, having no people of any kind around, even a child, unless it is a baby who cannot speak.

It is fitting that man conduct himself with great holiness, pure thoughts, and a correct attitude when having marital relationship. He should not indulge in frivolity with his wife, nor defile his mouth with indecent jests, even in private conversation with her, for the Scriptures say, "And declare to man what is his conversation."¹Amos 4:13. And our Rabbis, of blessed memory, said, "Even the light conversation between a man and his wife are recalled to him on the day of Judgement."²Maseches Hagigah 5b. He should not converse with her during the marital act, nor immediately before it, except what is necessary for marital relations. When she is angry and he is forbidden to have marital relations with her, he may speak kind words to her to appease her. The marital act should be in the most possible modest manner. He underneath and she above him, is considered an impudent manner. Both at the same level, is an act of perversion. It is said of Rabbi Eliezer, that the marital act was done with such awe and terror, that it appeared as if a demon was forcing him to do it.³Maseches Nedarim 20b.